[MARATHON #276 / UNIQUE MARATHON #169 / 17 November 2024]
When someone introduces you to a friend or acquaintance with the caveat, “They’re from the Bluff”, this is a warning. It’s the equivalent of cautioning a friendly stranger that, “My dog bites!”
When you tell someone that you are running the Bluff Marathon, they recoil and give you a similar cautionary look – and whatever statement follows indicates, “That marathon bites!”
With 275 marathons under my belt, I decided it was finally time to see whether I could bite off more than I could chew at the Bluff Marathon – or whether this brutal route would chew me up and spit me out (or, as this is a double-lap course, I guess you could call that a case of “once bitten, twice shy”).
I had been told a lot about the Bluff. Some descriptions fail to live up to expectations. However, it took just a two-second scan of the Fynnlands Sports Club bar (which was also the registration venue and doubles as the Bluff AC clubhouse) to realise that the “Rough and tough and from Bluff” mantra was not propaganda. In fact, if anything the slogan is underhyped. Wearing baggies and a T-shirt, I was probably the most overdressed male at the venue (and by far the least tattooed). You’ll have to take my word for it as I was not about to take an unsolicited photograph and risk someone taking offence.
My previous interactions with Bluff Athletics Club members have been on races when I’ve passed a walking Bluff ACer and told them, “So that’s the Bluff – you pretend you’re a running club but you’re actually a walking club!” (which always gets a passionate and enthusiastic response).
I did however strike up a conversation with a table of Bluff AC runners who were enjoying the afternoon beer drinking luxuries that come with knowing that they would be marshalling and not running the next morning at 5am. Knowing my limitations, I declined the invitation to join them but did listen with trepidation to the detailed route description that I was provided. As with the descriptions that I had been given of the Bluff itself, I can confirm in retrospect that their straight up (pun intended) route description was not overhyped.
I understand that the residents of the Bluff, known as Bluffians, are trying to rebrand from the “Rough and tough and from Bluff” stereotype but I doubt there is a marketeer foolish enough to even take on this challenge. However, race organizer Lindsay Kapp told me, “We try to get away from this slogan, but it follows us wherever we go. Our race slogan of #embracethechallenge is a metaphor for many of us in the Bluff community, facing whatever life challenges come our way.”
Apologies in advance to Lindsay (and the good people of the Bluff), but if the Bluff is going to shed its “rough and tough” reputation, it won’t be on my watch!
The sun rises early in Durban at this time of the year and it was already light when I walked the few hundred metres from my Airbnb to the start just after 4:30am. There was a cautiously relaxed atmosphere at the start – clearly everyone who had entered knew what they were in for and wanted to be there. With a route like Bluff’s no one was out to “improve their qualifier time”. The marshals on the road, most of whom were Bluff AC members, were also super friendly and engaging over both laps.
One of the race sponsors was the law firm Mc Naught & Co. whose Director, Mark Leathers, has been providing Comrades Marathon Association (CMA) members pro bono legal services during the 2024 post-race drama that unfolded. He also offered his services to the author pro bono but fortunately none of the implicated followed through on their threats of legal action so Mark’s services were limited to legal proofreading of my Comrades article drafts. Having chatted and corresponded with Mark frequently, it was great to meet the future Vice Chair of the CMA in person for the first time before the race. He was running the half marathon with his wife, Estee.
It was Estee’s first half marathon and after the race Mark reported that she did very well but there had been some “grumbling” along the route. Having received plenty of sage advice from Mark, I offered some pro bono advice of my own from back in the day when my wife and I occasionally ran together. On one of the final hills at the Tough One, my wife had a meltdown and snapped at me for ‘making her run too fast’. I turned to her and said, “If you’ve got enough energy to moan, you’ve got enough energy to run.” I expect you’ll find that Mark is a far better attorney than I am a marriage counsellor.
Mark provided some additional race day advice warning me to “be careful you don’t get stabbed running past the refinery” but it was unclear if this was a general warning to all visiting runners or whether he was privy to some special insight from disgruntled CMA Board members.
The route is essentially a long oval lap that produces Strava art that looks like a kindergartener’s drawing of a shark (which is highly appropriate as we’ve already established that this is a marathon that bites hard). There are four heinous hills (or ‘shark attacks’) to contend with. They don’t stuff around in the Bluff and you are still in shallow water when you meet the first of these hills just after 500m, which is a mile long 60m climb to the military base.
The drop to Marine Drive is not a smooth one as there are some sharp little teeth to negotiate as you get your first taste of a Bluff dive. Hill #2 arrives just before the 6km mark and is 90m of hard pull over two kilometres towards Brighton Beach. There is also a second peak to contend with here so you drop, climb and then plummet to the lowest point on the route.
From 11km you have five kilometres of surprisingly flat terrain through an area charmingly known as ‘Cancer Valley’ (so called because of the high rates of cancer and asthma in the local population caused by emissions from the Engen refinery). I did not take any pictures along this section.
The refinery was shut down in 2020 and repurposed as an import and storage terminal. Before that it was the oldest crude oil refinery in South Africa and produced close to 20% of the country’s fuel. As the saying goes, you can take the crude oil out of the Bluff but you can’t take out the crudity…
The third hill is the shark’s fin on the route map. It is a totally gratuitous 45m climb for just over a kilometre before you drop back to the same altitude and face your final challenge – a two kilometre, 75m slog to the top of Bluff Road.
You’ve got about a mile to go from the top of the hill but there is one final challenge to overcome – a swimming pool sized excavation filled with raw sewage on the side of the road.
I ended up running most of the first lap with Stella stalwart Shane Hinchliffe. Shane and his wife Gina (who was also running the marathon) have a combined grand total of 62 Comrades medals (second most for a married couple behind the Hollands). Next year, Gina will be one of the select group of ladies earning a triple green number (there are currently just 10 ladies who’ve achieved this accolade). Quite amazingly, Stella AC will have two ladies going for this feat in 2025 with Helen Mann also going for 30 – not to mention that Stella already boasts two of the female triple Greens (Pat Fisher and Pat Freeman).
Pleasant conversations are a great antidote for stomach-churning hills and after the end of the first lap I remarked to Shane, “That wasn’t as bad as I was expecting.” However, talk is cheap and the route called my Bluff, raised me 826m and once again educated me that a double-lap marathon is quite literally a tale of two halves.
After Shane disappeared into the Bluff smog a short while later, I focussed my attention on photographic opportunities over the second lap – of which there were plenty. Here’s the highlights package.
* which, if you think about it, is probably a much more appropriate metaphor.
There was plenty of huffing and puffing up the Bluff hills. At 35km and with two hills to go, I might have tested the Canna-Bar’s treatment of ‘chronic pain’ had they been open (I probably also missed a trick by not sampling the jelly babies at the tables). It should also be pointed out that a ‘pothole’ means something completely different in the Bluff.
If you look hard enough you can find plenty of ‘diamonds in the Bluff’. Below are a few I uncovered during the Bluff Marathon.
There is also a lovely mural of humpback whales along marine drive. I couldn’t think of a good caption for the photo so I will provide a bit of whale anatomy trivia instead. The insult ‘dork’ was very popular when I was at school (and, after checking with my daughters, I can confirm that it is still in use). However, a dork is in fact the proper name for a whale’s penis. This little known fact would be common knowledge had HH Melville named his classic book by the more scientifically correct title, “Moby Dork.”
On that note it was ironic that, whilst you feel most marathons in your legs the day afterwards, I had a chronic aching and stiffness in my womb for about a week after this marathon. Now that might sound strange (and believe me I had no idea that I had a womb until running Bluff) but that’s the only way I can describe it. I guess I did #embracethechange after all.
As the saying goes, “The art of diplomacy is telling someone to go to hell and making them look forward to the trip.” With a little bit of paraphrasing the same can apply to writing a review of the Bluff Marathon. To be honest I thoroughly enjoyed the trip and can’t wait to do it again.
I would favourably compare the route and character with the now defunct Jackie Gibson Marathon (which was my favourite double-lapper): a good solid, gritty marathon that you will feel deep down in the recesses of your body for most of the next week. Most Durban marathons are like scoring a century against Zimbabwe whereas the Bluff Marathon is like scoring a hundred on day five in India on a turning track.
I have previously complimented the Jackie Gibson as being the “Texas Chainsaw Massacre of marathons” with the rationale that “connoisseurs of pain, horror and gore will love it whilst the weak and squeamish will hate every minute.” I think Bluff deservedly inherits this title – albeit with a much rustier chainsaw.
Provided that my womb recovers in time, I will definitely be back for another couple of rounds with the Bluff (did I mention that my initials are S&M?). With the Jackie Gibson being retired, I needed to find a new favourite double-lapper and I think that the Bluff Marathon is it. I have also noticed that I am getting a lot more street cred and that there is a higher probability of my teenagers following instructions when I am wearing my Bluff Marathon shirt.
Besides which, Lindsay Kapp kindly gave me a goodie bag after the race which included a Bluff AC bucket hat. I’ve asked for a sheer mesh vest for Christmas and then I just need a couple of tattoos to complete the camouflage so that I can go full-on David Attenborough and observe Bluffians in their natural habitat at the Fynnlands Sports Club bar next year.
